Mary Sue the Killer
Note: I didn't write this pasta, I am just passing it on. Author's note: I see there is no AN template, so I'm gonna be a rebel and just type this in there. So this story is purely for entertainment and is not meant to offend you or your beautiful OC in any way. Please take it as lightly as a butterfly. Thank you. ---- Chapter 1 I should probably introduce myself. I'm typing on an iphone so it might take a while, but I can still type accurately because my fingers are faster than any other human being alive. My name's Mary Sue, or Mary Elizabeth Marc Alison Melody Angelina Sue to be exact. I'm currently wearing a bra and some really cool jeans and sneakers my friend got for me this year, it makes me look so damn attractive. I mean, I look like Jessica Rabbit and I'm literally like a boy magnet, but I don't like any of them and it gets annoying sometimes. So I'm sixteen years old and my birthday's on the first of January because I'm better than everyone else. Naturally. My dream is to meet the boy of my dreams Jeff the Killer and kill everyone in the world with him, then buy a little house down in Iceland or somewhere where we can grow old together. My parents were really mean to me and took away my iphone last year, but that's okay. I don't mind anymore because I killed them both - very brutally in fact. During the middle of the night whilst they were both sound asleep, I took a knife and quietly crept into the room without them hearing a sound. Then slowly, I stabbed it into my mother's neck and pulled down violently as she woke up screaming and choking on her own blood...then I HACKED HER TO PIECES and repeated the process with my dad. There was blood everywhere, and intestines and eyes and bits of skin on the floor - I'm pretty sure I even saw a kidney flying through the air. I'm not too sure how though - it was dark. I guess that's my super nightvision for you! Well you get the point - that would teach them to take away my iphone (even though they bought it for me so it's legally their property but...I get what I want I guess). I killed all my teachers and everyone in the school afterwards because I'm amazing. Okay so, right now, I'm at the airport getting ready for my trip to New York. It's been a hectic ride and I don't want to sit down anymore since my butt is tired, so why don't I just lie on the floor and go to sleep? Nobody will mind if I strip, since I'm too stunningly beautiful. Even if they do, I'll just throw my knife using my long distance powers and kill them straight away. You're not allowed knives on the plane but since I'm so damn pretty, all the guards let me through anyways. Oh my, how cool am I? There's still an hour until the plane arrives. Why isn't my supergalactic time travel machine working? Argh. Work goddammit. Okay, never mind, I'll just wait and see what happens. Oh wait, my peripheral vision powers sense a presence behind the airport - I need to check what that is! I walk to the door and they won't let us out, but I'll just use my superhuman parkour skills to get over the roof. There. Done - now I can check out that presence I sense. Ooh - it's a penny. I pick it up and examine it. This will give me enough money to buy a drink and possibly a new bra? Mine's getting a bit loose. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a really really hot guy in a white hoodie wandering around. He seems really hot and as he turns around, OHMYGOSHIMFREAKINGOUTITSJEFFTHEKILLEROMG...I can barely breath, it's the real Jeff from the internet story!!!!!!111 It's...it's a miracle! He has the same amazing dark hair and it's even shoulder length...skinny jeans and converse...ARGH! I scream. So sexy. Seriously, this is like the best moment of my life. "OMG HEY JEFF!" Jeff looks around. He looks confused, but he's probably just mesmerised by my beauty and super kawaii body shape. "...what?" "Jeff, I love you so much, I have a dream that we will go killing together and then I can have your babies cause, you are just..." "Do I like...know you?" "No but, I LOVE YOU! My name's Mary Elizabeth Marc Alison Melody Angelina Sue and I need your number." He sighs. "I'm Dan from the CT Construction company. Here's my card." He hands me over a piece of card with his number on it and loads of other weird things. But I can't believe it! I eat it and hug him so hard he chokes trying to push me off him. He's just embarassed. "Hey kid, what is wrong with you? Can you not?" "Jeffy, don't be embarassed. You know you love me." "You need to put on a shirt, kid. And it's Dan, not Jeff." "Whatever." Chapter 2 We get on the plane. I'm right behind him, and everyone's looking at us. We're the couple with the centre of attention. So romantic. Jeff also keeps looking at me - I know he's in love, he's just shy. "Where's your seat? It's not right next to mine, is it?" "OF COURSE IT IS! I'll sit wherever you sit, Jeff." "Oh please, can you stop doing that? Go and sit where your seat is, go, go. Or I'll call the waitress. Go." I hide and as soon as he sits down, I appear in front of him with my magical teleporting powers. Those come in handy sometimes. "What? I thought you were-" he stutters. I blush. "I'd do anything to be by your side, Jeff." "I'm Dan. From the Construction Company. I'm not this 'Jeff' you're looking for." "Oh yes you are baby." The people are getting settled. I run my hand across Jeff's beautiful face and he looks at me. I can't tell whether it's a seductive look or not, but from this angle it looks like he's a bit confused. Leaning on his shoulder, it seems to get further away from me all the time and I have to keep moving. I wish Jeff would keep still so we could enjoy our moments together, but I'm not going to tell him because I might hurt his feelings. The plane hasn't started moving yet. But I start to sing a beautiful song with my lovely singing melody, and it's so beautiful that the whole cabin goes silent and looks at me. Some laugh because of the beauty. Jeff even vomits because he's so touched. Everyone has their hands on their ears, wanting to hear the sound more clearly. So I sing louder and please everyone. They all love me now. Then two armed men enter and try to drag me out. What should I do? Jeff. Help. This is not the time to put your hand over your face. Please. I'd just kill them, but they're in bulletproof vests and I don't have my Death Note with me. Help. He-